Life’s what happens when you’re busy making plans…

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I don’t think I’ve ever had a harder time writing a post as I have with this one. If you’ve been following along with us (even for a little while), you’ll know how much weight we give to ‘planning’ and mapping things out and making sure we stay on track with projects, blogging and life in general. You might also know that for the last three years, when it comes to our family life – things haven’t always gone according to said plan.

Well, as they say – Life’s what happens when you’re busy making plans…

Discerning blog followers likely have noticed a bit of a slow down in my posts and certainly a bit of slow down in my insane level DIYs. (If you haven’t noticed.. then… ummm… pay no attention to the man behind the curtain! All is as it always was. Slow down? What slow down?)

It’s not because I don’t love my projects and challenges. I do.

It’s not because I don’t still have plans to do them. I do. (In fact, we still have a ton more work to do in my studio space, our back yard deck, our master bathroom and our guest room.)

It’s because everything is as it should be. Things didn’t go according to plan – and that’s okay.

It’s because after years of agony, fear, grief, loss and guilt – life happened.

Dan and I are expecting a baby.

Those are the words I had never planned to write here. For the longest time, I just never believed it would be true. In fact, even all through the first twelve weeks of this pregnancy, I couldn’t believe it was true.The Great Project 1

Sure, I was sick. I was nauseated. I was exhausted, I was bloated. But my history so vastly informed my thoughts and emotions, I couldn’t reconcile having a baby as my reality. Being pregnant after multiple losses is no joke. It can lead to severe depression (what’s in fact known as antenatal depression), and debilitating anxiety. And in my case, it did. I went almost three weeks, without leaving the house – the only exception being to drive to and from my job, where I sit at a desk all day.

Doctor’s orders were to stay off Google. NO GOOGLING – especially stats on pregnancy loss, fetal malformation, rare diseases. No Dr. Google. Man, that was hard. Thank goodness for best friends. I would frequently tap some of my besties and say “I’m feeling this way. Can someone Google and tell me if that’s normal?” And, being the strong, supportive friends they are, they’d either tell me ‘Shut up. You’re fine!’ or they’d Google and sift through the results and only give me the information I needed to know.

(Yes! It IS normal to develop eczema on your eye lids. Yes! It is totally normal for your legs to cramp and fall asleep… so many other weird pregnancy things.)

However until recently, I had trouble accepting this as my normal; accepting that the doctor wouldn’t walk into the exam room and tell me it’s all over; accepting that our due date wouldn’t just come and go like any other day; accepting that I’d made enough changes in my life to carry a pregnancy to term.

I’m not sure if my emotional and mental state was made worse by the fact that Dan and I kept very tight wraps on our news for a very long time. We didn’t even finish telling our entire family until about a week ago. We were each other’s rock through the rockiest of times. We convinced ourselves to dwell on possibility rather than the past. To engage with things we love, instead of reliving things we never want to dwell on again.

It was quite possibly the most difficult time we have endured together.

But we’ve made it through.

Yesterday, we had our 20-week ultrasound and little ‘Froggy’, as we’ve dubbed s/he, is happy as a wee clam in there swimming and singing and dancing along as Dan and I proudly prep our nest for the big arrival. I feel kicks and barrel rolls and hiccups.

Now, when I look at myself, I feel normal…and I’m fairly certain there have been a few moments where I’ve allowed happiness and joy to creep in.

We have decided to not find out the gender of the baby and we’re just going to revel in the beautiful unknown for the next 18 weeks or so (though, I have very strong feelings it’s a boy!)

So – what does this mean for the blog?

Well, you’re here because you’re followers of DIY Passion and I don’t expect much to change on this blog. I will still do projects and we will still share all the things with you that we always have.

BUT – there’s another SUPER exciting announcement for those of you who’d like to follow our pregnancy journey and read more about all things baby and baby stuff and chubby cuteness! I will be blogging all about that over at the Yummy Mummy Club starting TODAY with my first post! I’ve written the Pregnant Lady’s Guide to DIYs and I will be sharing other pregnancy and baby posts there on the regular. I’d love (if you’re interested) for you to follow me over there too!

Anyway, I just wanted to express my deepest love and thanks for all the support and kind words we have received from many of you throughout this journey. I know it’s far from over, but I want you to know the strength you have sent me means a lot to me and to Dan.

As well, for those of you enduring family and fertility struggles of your own – please know with all sincerity, that you have a friend and support in me. Forever and always. Because things don’t always go as planned… and we need friends to help pick us back up and remind us, that in the end, that’s okay.

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Hi! I’m Erin and I wrote this post!

I’m a former broadcast journalist turned DIY blogger; I love all things paint, and power tools. My husband and I work on DIY Passion to share our commitment to inspire others to see beauty in the every day. I love dogs, cats, Han Solo and pie – probably in that order. If you’d like to chat about working together, please get in touch and sign up for our email updates.

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27 thoughts on “Life’s what happens when you’re busy making plans…

  1. Big fat hugs and congratulations!! I saw you mention this happy news on Instagram or somewhere about one month ago and was totally overjoyed for you. This is the best kind of news and I am truly happy for you.

  2. Having dealt with a miscarriage I understand your anxiety! I was sure I would miscarry again. I have anxiety to start with so I was very paranoid! I kept waiting for the doctor to give me the bad news. I am happy to say that earlier this week we celebrated my beautiful daughter’s 15th birthday. I could not have been blessed with a more amazing child! I guess there is a plan for everyone!
    P.S. I was SURE she was going to be a boy too! When the doctor announced it was a girl I said “What?!” I couldn’t believe it! I was also never happier! She was completely healthy which is the greatest gift of all! As hard as it may be, try to enjoy your pregnancy . I had terrible morning (all day!) sickness but it did get better! Congrats, this is such an exciting and wonderful time!

    1. Hi Giselle! Thanks for the kind words and the personal story πŸ™‚ … We are now waffling on believing it’s a boy! It’ll all be revealed eventually! haha

  3. So so SO happy for you! I got all choked up just reading this because I have walked a similar road and I know how you feel all too well. Praying for good health and for much peace and calm throughout your pregnancy! So excited for you!

    1. Thank you Samantha! Didn’t mean to make you cry πŸ™‚ I appreciate the prayers and support very much.

  4. Oh Erin! What wonderful news. Miracles do happen from time to time. Pregnancy can be the worst but when you want a baby so much it doesn’t really matter. Although I am past babies I will be following your adventures. Enjoy the remaining weeks of couple dom as life will never be the same, although in the most fantastic way.

  5. Erin and Dan! This is such wonderful news:) I am so grateful to you for sharing this truth. Revel in your blessing and enjoy every moment:)

    1. Thank you Heather!
      Loving every moment is our motto (except the heart burn… I don’t love the heart burn haha)

    1. So true… I don’t often like to say things like ‘it happens when it’s meant to happen’… but I think there is some truth to it all πŸ™‚

  6. Congrats on the baby news! That is certainly a wonderful miracle. I know only too well the pain and agony of infertility and loss . However, my advice is to allow yourselves to enjoy this special time. It’s been a long and difficult journey for you but you made it through. My very best.

  7. This is amazing news! I know what it’s like to be struggling like this and finally get what you want but be so terrified that it’s going to slip away again. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability! πŸ™‚

  8. That is wonderful. I have a granddaughter due in October. They will induce early since my daughter is type 1 diabetic. It was because of her diabetes that they lost their first baby a little over a year ago. I have another granddaughter that was born in March, but we were so afraid she would not be. We thought my DIL was going to lose her at 14 weeks. But she is so healthy and happy now at almost 6 months. I lost my second child at 29 weeks to a group B strep infection 32 years ago. I so understand the grief over losses. My heart goes out to you, and I’m so happy for your blessed news.

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